There is a subconscious fear in our mind that gets stronger as we get older. It’s called dying alone. Society has wired us to think that we amount to nothing if we don’t have a partner. But your partner can only give you love and comfort, they can’t give you a purpose in life. That is why a lot of breakups happen because we ask a lot from our partners. So here are a few words of wisdom on why breakups happen and how we can deal with it. Let’s also discuss getting over a breakup.
Common reasons for a breakup
Breakups can happen for a million reason but infidelity, loss of interest, jealousy, and abuse are some of the common reasons. Often we project our unrealistic expectations onto our partners without even realizing it.
“Why doesn’t my boyfriend understand my feelings without me even vocalizing them?” “Is it true love if my girlfriend doesn’t have all the same interest as me .” maybe you saw a movie when you were younger and the main characters made an impression on you and you wanted your love story to be just like theirs. Maybe you are a hopeless romantic who wants flowers, chocolates the whole deal but maybe your partner is a realist who doesn’t believe in all that crap. So a heartbreak is inevitable.
The main thing to remember is that you cannot change a person. When you are dating someone you find out that the person is manipulative, overprotective or very jealous of everyone around you. You think it’s okay my love can change the person. THAT IS NOT HOW IT WORKS PEOPLE. Sure you can support a person when they make the necessary changes themselves but you cannot fix someone with your love. It is a very harmful misconception that when we find “the one” all our problem is going to be solved. They are going to cure our depression, clear our acne (I wish), give us a purpose in life. If we put this much expectation on one person then they are going to have a hard time fulfilling them. Then eventually they are going to give up. Communication is the key to any relationship. You need to talk to your partner about your like and dislike, your comfort zone, your interests etc. If during this process you find out that you two are polar opposites with no common ground then it is time for you two to say your goodbye.
Sometimes you may wonder if it is possible to fall out of love. Well think that relationship is a tree and if you don’t take care of a tree it dies. Same way if you neglect a relationship it falls apart. So do not take your partners for granted. Show them that you love them every day. Use your words to convey your emotions. Love them and cherish them and make them feel special.
But sometimes this isn’t enough. Sometimes despite your best efforts relationships fail and you don’t know how to control your emotions. Well, let me help you with it.
Respect their decision
Sometimes breakups can be a bolt from the blue. You thought everything was going fine but one day your partner wants to end things. No matter how shocked you are you cannot force or threaten the other person to stay in a relationship with you. You have to respect their decision. You have to accept the reality. That is the first step.
Take time to heal yourself
The worst thing about a breakup is that you feel like you have wasted your time, your emotion and it was all a big fail. That is certainly not the case. A breakup doesn’t always mean the end of something, it could also mean the beginning of something. Ask yourself when the last time you were single was. Maybe this is your chance to spend time with yourself. Maybe have a spa day at home, invite all your friends and talk about your life. Go on a picnic by yourself. Buy some books, visit your family. The most important thing to remember is that you are going to feel sad after a breakup you are going to feel devastated. It is normal to feel these feelings. But don’t make any hasty decision. Don’t do anything you might regret later. Remember time is the best medicine. It can heal all.
Remember you are not alone
You are not the first person to go through a breakup and you definitely won’t be the last. It is easy to feel alone in these kinds of situations but always go to your family and friends for help. If it’s necessary do not hesitate to seek professional help and for god’s sake do not stalk your ex, do not drive by their house, don’t do anything that hurts your progress. It is difficult to come down from the high of love but always keep your integrity and decorum.
Breakups are good for self- reflection and self-improvement. Set a personal goal for yourself and work towards achieving that goal. Reflect on yourself. Admit your faults to yourself and do whatever you can to improve yourself. Therapy is a good thing for that. If you do not want to go to therapy ask your loved ones what your flaws are. That would give you an insight. Because we can’t always figure out our own pros and cons since we are so used to them. But we need to acknowledge them in order to become a better person.
Breakups are difficult for everybody but everyone has a different way to express their grief. Do not fear that you will not find someone or that you are too old, too ugly. STOP. Remember your personality shines through your outer appearance. So stop beating yourself about smaller things. At the end of the day if you think that you would rather be unhappy in a relationship than live by yourself then you should rethink some life choices. Because being single is not the end of the world.