How to Keep Your Arguments Healthy

All couples argue. Experts say that all couples should argue. Arguments are healthy; they show that beneath the surface, both parties care. Arguments are also a sign of expectation, and expectations in relationships are a good thing.

Arguments, when not done properly, are a cause of problems and breakups. The right balance would be to argue but more than that, to argue in a way that dignifies both parties while actively providing solutions. Constantly having arguments that hurt the parties involved and don’t get resolved are the reason for divorces.

So how do you argue is a healthy way?

Fight together

The first thing to note is that arguments are from the point of good faith. They are your partner standing up for themselves for the ultimate good of the relationship. Recognize that you are fighting together, not against each other. That at the core of the argument, there is love.

Timing cannot be emphasized enough

Nobody wants to walk into a house only to be greeted by an argument. Likewise, no one wants to argue before going to work in the morning. Striking the ultimate timing is an art gained with time.  Find a time that is peaceful when none of you needs to rush anywhere. Second, do not fight in front of the kids.  Pick a time when you are both relaxed. Early mornings or late nights are best. However, take note of the next point:

Keep it out of the bedroom

Regardless of what is going on in your couple life, the bedroom should be a sanctuary where love and rest abide. Refrain from arguing in the bedroom. No one needs to sleep while fuming inwardly. If possible argue it out on the patio. Arguing in the bedroom is a recipe for sexual frustration as well. Keep the bedroom safe enough as peaceful ground.

Stay on the topic at hand

If the argument is about getting a nanny or not, stick with it. No-one wants to remember the text you saw. I recently heard that writing down what I am mad about beforehand keeps me in line. Focus on the specific argument at hand. Listen to what your partner as to say without feeling the need to remind them that they are clumsy anyway, or that they are not helpful in the house.

Keep your emotions level

An old trick my mom always reminds me is that, when I am most angry, is when I need a shower most. For the longest time, the relationship between the two evaded me until I realized that, the time it takes me to shower helps me to sober down and reason calmly.

Now, even when I am far from the shower, I remember to take a moment and breathe. Crumple a paper if you have to, but breathe! There will always be arguments.However, it is our role to sit down and argue in ways that build our relationships and not destroy them. Level mindedness is an essential part of healthy arguments. Even in the most heated of your arguments, ask yourself whether what you are saying is true, and more than that- is it necessary?


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